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By ringbearer44
#4870224
So when I first heard the news that the new movie would feature an all female team, I started thinking of how I would write such a script. I came up with an idea that would hopefully showcase the old team, but also introduce new characters. I have always been intrigued by the possibilities of Ghostbusters franchises, and as such, this outline showcases one such franchise. I toyed with this premise for a long while before I finally sat down and wrote this outline. My vision is obviously quite different than Sony's. I present here a rough story outline of my version. It is not a reboot, but a true sequel. I hope you enjoy it. Any and all feedback is much appreciated.

GHOSTBUSTERS 3

Cast
Jane Curtin – Angela O’Hare
Emma Stone – Jill O’Hare
Michelle Rodriguez – A.J. Garcia
Ellie Kemper – Sammie DeWitt
Rachel Dratch – Becky Sanderson
Andy Samberg – David Jay Bellany III
Steve Carrell – David Jay Bellany II/Aldric the Devourer
Ft.
Dan Aykroyd as Dr. Ray Stantz
Bill Murray as Dr. Peter Venkman
Ernie Hudson as Winston Zeddemore
Annie Potts as Janine Melnitz-Tully
Rick Moranis as Louis Tully
And Sigourney Weaver as Dana Barrett-Venkman


We open with a woman setting up a window display in a large department store after hours. She hears strange noises and sees shadows, but tells herself it’s just her imagination. As she moves to another display, the camera comes flying at her and she screams.

Title and Theme song

The Ecto-7 is driving through Manhattan, they pull into the firehouse. Four guys in full Ghostbusters gear climb out of the Ecto-7, laughing and congratulating each other on another successful bust at the department store. (Cameos by Jason Segel, Simon Pegg, Kevin James, and Don Cheadle) They pass by JANINE MELNITZ-TULLY who they hand off the steaming ghost traps to, and go into a small kitchenette where LOUIS TULLY and WINSTON ZEDDEMORE are discussing paperwork and finances. They have a conversation and we learn that WINSTON is now the manager of the Manhattan branch. He tells the team they did a great job, then he heads out.

Cut to RAY STANTZ leading a discussion group with people who have been abducted by aliens. Lots of cameos by famous people in here, including Ivan Reitman, Lorne Michaels, Chevy Chase, etc.

WINSTON arrives and hangs back as RAY ends the meeting. The two of them go out for pizza. As they eat, they discuss the recent passing of EGON SPENGLER, and the arrangements for the funeral. The TV in the restaurant changes, and they see PETER VENKMAN doing an interview on the Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. They discuss Ghostbusters Int. and his falling out with the original team. WINSTON and RAY are subdued. WINSTON asks if VENKMAN is going to show up for EGON’S service. RAY says he doubts it. He hasn’t spoken to PETER in years.

Cut to a rainy afternoon in a cemetery. The memorial service for EGON is proceeding. WINSTON, RAY, JANINE, LOUIS, DANA, the new team, and several others are mourning. PETER shows up. He is tentative, but RAY embraces him, and they all relax.

Cut to firehouse after service. The old crew are eating Chinese take-out and laughing as they remember EGON and the good old days. As the party winds down, RAY goes to wash some dishes, and PETER comes to talk to him. He says there’s a problem in Hoboken that only he can deal with.

Cut to A.J. GARCIA dressed in Ghostbusters gear with a proton pack strapped to her back. She is rough and tough. She is stalking a ghost, and taking a great deal of pleasure in doing so. She thinks she has the ghost, but then bumps into SAMMIE DEWITT who is good natured, but very clumsy. They nearly blow each other’s heads off with the proton packs. The ghost comes at them, and they manage to catch half of it, closing the trap before the ghost is fully inside. They are clearly fumbling through the process. The bottom half of the ghost is flopping around like a fish out of water. A.J. pulls a table over it to hide it. A second, more fearsome ghost comes barreling toward them. They both dive out of the way. A third Ghostbuster easily dispatches the Ghost. She is obviously very skilled. This is JILL O’HARE.

Cut to ANGELA O’HARE sitting at her office desk. There is a great amount of paperwork all over the place, and she seems very frazzled. Her phone beeps, and her assistant BECKY SANDERSON says she has a visitor. ANGELA says she is too busy to see anyone, and BECKY informs her it’s someone from corporate. ANGELA tries to tidy up her desk and says send them in. RAY opens the door and walks in. “Hi ANGIE” he says softly. She is furious and begins a tirade. He cuts her off and says he’s not here for a personal visit, but on business. He says VENKMAN showed him the numbers from the branch, and that an intervention was needed. Hoboken is underperforming all the other branches. ANGELA goes on a rant about being stuck with the worst location and no support from corporate. She says she should have asked for more than a branch in their divorce, and blames RAY for sticking her in a bad location. RAY apologizes, and says he’s made a lot of mistakes, especially when it comes to her. The office door opens and JILL walks in “hey mom, we just finished up on the Simmons case. A.J. somehow cut one of the free repeaters in half….” She trails off when she sees RAY, and sheepishly says, “Hi dad.” RAY is angry. JILL is supposed to be in grad school, not working. Both JILL and ANGELA launch into an argument with RAY.

Cut to A.J. and SAMMIE outside the office talking to BECKY. They are interrupted by the entrance of DAVID BELLANY III. He is part of BELLANY and SONS Paranormal Eliminators; the Hoboken Ghostbusters main competition. His is a total tool bag who is obsessed with SAMMIE, despite her repeated dismissals of him. He taunts them and says that his dad is close to signing an exclusive deal with the New Jersey Paranormal Contracts Division, guaranteeing their company all government work for the entire state. He is boasting when JILL storms out of the office followed by ANGELA and RAY. He makes a snarky remark then leaves.

Cut to DAVID driving a hummer emblazoned with BELLANY and SONS logos. He is blasting some really ridiculously bad pop music. His phone rings, and he grabs it, but nearly runs several people off the road. He is dispatched to catch a ghost at a museum. He gives the security guard a bunch of crap, then goes to catch the ghost. In the process, he destroys several displays. He finally nabs the specter and brags to himself about how easy it was. As he goes to leave, he sees an amulet from one of the broken displays laying on the ground. He is entranced by it and picks it up. He stares intently at it until the guard comes in and breaks his reverie, shouting about the damage. DAVID pockets the amulet, and with a sarcastic remark, hands the bill to the guard. He goes back to BELLANY and SONS HQ where he informs his dad of the successful completion of the job. He takes off his jacket and throws it on a desk before heading to the kitchen for some snacks. DAVID SR grabs the jacket, yelling at his son not to make a mess. The amulet falls out of the jacket pocket, and DAVID SR is as entranced by it as his son was. He picks it up and puts it on around his neck. A spooky light emanates from the amulet and DAVID SR screams as his eyes glow. DAVID JR comes back in and screams. An unnaturally wide grin spreads across DAVID SR's face.

Cut to RAY inspecting the Hoboken Ghostbusters and their facility. He does interviews with each of the busters and we learn a bit about them and their backgrounds. None of them is very forthcoming, though. AJ is sarcastic, SAMMIE goes off on wild tangents, and JILL is harassed by RAY about finishing school.

Cut to RAY and DANA BARRETT-VENKMAN having lunch and discussing the issues with the Hoboken branch and ANGELA. RAY asks how DANA and PETER deal with everything, having been married and divorced three times. She says it’s all about compromise, and learning to accept each other. She and PETER are married again, and things seem to be working this time. RAY asks if DANA thinks there is any chance of ANGELA taking him back, and DANA says there is always hope, if you’re willing to put in some work.

Cut to ANGELA’s office. RAY is listing all the issues with the branch, and detailing how they all need to be trained properly, and he’s brought some help.

Training montage. (WINSTON and RAY try and train the Hoboken busters to varying degrees of success.)

As the montage ends, the Hoboken team are on a call, and RAY, WINSTON, PETER, and ANGELA are observing their performance. At first, they seem to be working well together, employing the techniques they learned in the montage, but SAMMIE accidentally knocks AJ to the ground, and AJ's temper flares, she begins berating SAMMIE in Spanish, SAMMIE is holding back tears, and JILL is aggravated at the lack of cohesion. The three of them are arguing while the ghost they were supposed to be dispatching looks on in utter bemusement. PETER turns to RAY and says he's shutting down the branch. ANGELA glares at RAY.

We see DAVID SR who is noticeably fatter and more repulsive. He is wandering around town, oozing slime, and blabbering about being starving. People scream and run away in fright.

AJ, SAMMIE, and JILL are all sitting around in the darkened office. They are all bummed about the branch being shut down. AJ says JILL shouldn’t be upset, her daddy is one of the original Ghostbusters and she'll be able to have her pick of branch to go to next. JILL explains that her dad doesn’t want her to bust ghosts, but to finish grad school. Busting is her passion, though, and she had hoped that if her dad could have seen her in action, he would understand. It’s too late for that now. SAMMIE talks about how she was raised by her grandmother in an old house that she knew was haunted, but no one believed her. The ghost tormented her, and she became a reclusive loner. AJ says her dad died when she was young, and that she had to grow up tough and hard, that she was always too afraid to let anyone see how much she hurt. She says that the reason she wanted to be a Ghostbuster is that she hoped she might one day find her dad's ghost and kick his butt for leaving her. She says the last part as a joke to lighten the heavy load. JILL suggest they all go out for pizza. Around the corner, BECKY is listening in on their conversation, and as she musters the courage to step out and explain why she wanted to be a Ghostbuster, it's too little too late. The girls have already left. BECKY sighs, and goes to file some paperwork.

Cut to the Hoboken Busters at a pizza parlor. AJ is trying to get SAMMIE to eat a slice with anchovies. There is a great commotion outside with people running and screaming, the three Busters look up and dive out of the way just as DAVID SR, now even larger and more disgusting barrels through the window of the pizza parlor. He bellows “HUNGRY, SO HUNGRY! FEED ME!” and begins devouring everything in sight, tables, chairs, pizza, everything. The Busters don’t have their equipment, but AJ pulls out a Proton Grenade and shrugs at the incredulous look JILL gives her. She tosses it at DAVID SR who recoils in pain, screams at them, and then flees out the hole in the wall. The Busters look at each other in shock.

Cut to the Hoboken office. RAY is arguing with PETER about closing the branch. The Busters barge in, all talking simultaneously. PETER tells them to slow down and talk one at a time. JILL explains what happened at the pizza parlor and that they need to get their gear and go after DAVID SR. PETER shakes his head and says he can’t let them do so. They aren’t qualified. He says he’ll pass the info along to Manhattan and they’ll look into the matter. He locks the branch up with all the Buster’s packs and gear inside and leaves. RAY apologizes to them, and says maybe they can reopen the branch if the Busters get more training. JILL reminds RAY that he trained her for her whole life. RAY walks away dejected.

DAVID SR is even bigger and is eating a swathe through Hoboken. He pauses as he reaches the waterfront and stares hungrily at Manhattan.

The Busters are sitting in SAMMIE’s apartment discussing what is going on. The news is on the TV and reports of DAVID SR’s antics are flowing in, he has crossed the river and is perched in Times Square eating billboards and cars and anything else he can get his massive hands on. They watch as the news changes, and the Manhattan Busters pull up to the scene at Times Square in the Ecto-7. DAVID SR is now extremely massive, and he laughs as the Manhattan Busters approach him. He opens his mouth and sucks a great gulp in, swallowing the Manhattan Busters whole. The Hoboken Busters are horrified.

The Hoboken Busters drive frantically to BELLANY and SONS HQ. They barge in and find DAVID JR cowering in fright in a closet. They demand to know what’s going on. He is hesitant, but explains about stealing the amulet. They drag him along and go to the museum. They learn that the amulet belonged to ALDRIC THE DEVOURER. A medieval duke known for his cruelty and gluttony. JILL pulls out a tattered copy of Tobin’s Spirit Guide and begins reading about ALDRIC. He had been a pauper, but had made a deal with a dark sorcerer for his dukedom. Many years later, when the sorcerer returned to collect on ALDRIC’s debt, ALDRIC had him executed. With his dying breath, the sorcerer cursed ALDRIC with a never ending hunger. They decide that they have to stop him. They head back to the Hoboken Busters office, and are prepared to cut the lock, but they find it already broken open. They cautiously proceed inside and discover BECKY geared up. She sheepishly says “Hi”. JILL shrugs and says they need all the help they can get. The Busters gear up and speed off to Times Square. DAVID JR is in the back of the Ecto-NJ1, complaining and whining. SAMMIE slaps him, telling him to man up and AJ watches approvingly.

At the Manhattan Busters firehouse, RAY, PETER, and WINSTON are gearing up. JANINE says “LOOK!” and points to the TV showing the Hoboken Busters pulling up. PETER face palms and RAY has a proud smirk. WINSTON says “Let’s watch and see what happens.”

The Hoboken Busters arrive at the scene and gear up. JILL tries to bolster the Busters spirits, but they are all apprehensive. They grit their teeth and get to work. They are a different team, working together smoothly and efficiently. They are zapping ALDRIC, but their beams are having very little effect. JILL says that he’s grown too strong and they need to think of something else. They need to destroy the amulet, but ALDRIC is guarding it. They need a distraction. From behind them PETER says “maybe we can help with that.” The original Busters are all geared up, and though old, they look very heroic in their gear. JILL says “Dad?” RAY says they saw them on TV and that they had done a fantastic job, but, he says, one last lesson is to always accept help when offered. The two teams work well together and the distraction works. The combined power of the seven beams is enraging ALDRIC and he is becoming reckless. The amulet swings free and RAY says “NOW!” and he and JILL both blast the amulet at full nuetrona. The amulet shatters and ALDRIC screams in fury. He begins to shrink and chunks of wreckage fall out of him covered in slime. The Manhattan Busters flop out, alive but dazed, and soon DAVID SR is all that is left, sprawled out in goo. He wakes up to see the Original and Hoboken Busters standing over him. He opens his mouth to say something, but a belch emanates instead. He smiles sheepishly, then belches again, and again, and again, and ALDRIC in spirit form pours out of his mouth. The Busters all grab their throwers, ready for the fight to continue, but a trap activates, and ALDRIC is sucked in. The smoke clears and DAVID JR is standing in a heroic pose holding the trap. He says “Yup, I did it again. I’m the best.” SAMMIE walks over to him, acting seductive and he is obviously enjoying it. She knees him in the groin and takes the trap, skipping back to the other Busters.

Cut to a sunny afternoon outside Hoboken city hall. Deputy Director of Paranormal Contracts, James Lindberg (cameo by Norm MacDonald) is presenting the Hoboken Busters the exclusive contract for the state of New Jersey. The Original Busters, Dana, Louis, Janine, and the Manhattan Busters are in the audience. DAVID SR and DAVID JR are also in the audience and they are furious. They are both wearing neck braces, despite neither receiving any neck injury. RAY and ANGELA are talking, and he apologizes for everything. She tells him not to worry about it, it's water under the bridge. RAY grabs her and kisses her passionately. She shoves him away and asks what he is doing. He says he thought they were getting back together. She rolls her eyes and walks off.

Theme song plays and credits roll.
User avatar
By ringbearer44
#4870294
That outline was masterful, truly iconic. The writing was so vivid. Such beauty in its simplicity. Why didn't Sony use that script? Thank you for sharing that with me... I know I can't compare, but I'm still kind of fond of my treatment as well. ;p
By MOSUGOJI
#4870734
One thing that I would have added would be Oscar Barret-Venkman as one of the Manhattan Ghostbusters. When they are all swallowed that sets Peter off into "this chick is TOAST!" mood. I'm still not too keen on the idea of having Egon actually dead in any movie. Granted no one could ever be recast as Egon but I came up with an idea for Egon's pretty much permanent absence yet with him still being alive. It's sad enough that Harold Ramis is gone but Egon has achieved legendary hero status and with heroes there is always the hope that they will always be there.
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